Cranky Pants

I AM CRANKY.  I am so tired.  I haven't slept in nights, so I have officially entered delirium from sleep deprivation.  My body aches in places I didn't even know existed.  I can't see my feet.  My maternity clothes are barely covering my very ready-to-explode belly.  Who knew you could out grow maternity clothes of all things?  Going out in public is sure to draw unwarranted comments and second and third glances.  No, really I just get all out, obvious stares these days.  I have to pee every 20 minutes, and I am sure this baby is going to fall out any second.

I am 38 weeks pregnant, and I was not prepared to be pregnant this long.  The doctors told me I would probably not make it to term with this baby, and here I am, CRANKY and WAITING.  In five days, we are scheduled to meet this amazingly self-resilient baby boy.  For 36 weeks, I did everything I could to help this baby stay in.  Now at full-term, I have tried every possible homeopathic method around to make myself go into labor.  Nothing has worked, and all my efforts have made me uncomfortable and crazy.  This baby is as happy as a clam right where he is.  I am a nervous wreck.  Today, five days seems like an eternity.

Let me just go ahead and tell you, there is no sugar coating my current state these days, physically or mentally.  It is what it is, and I have to face up to it.  Sometimes life just doesn't feel sugar coatable, but I know one thing.  I am part of a bigger picture that goes way beyond the past nine months, and every baby is a true miracle.  So, today I am thankful for my CRANKY pants.  They may not be the most comfortable pants in the world (or the most fashionable), but that's the price you have to pay sometimes, right?